Boundary Setting

What are Boundaries?

Boundaries are limits we set and the rules we live by within our relationships, both with ourselves and others. Boundaries can generally fall into these three categories, rigid, poor, or healthy. 

An individual with Healthy boundaries finds it easy to open up, share intimate details, and be in close relationship with others. They find it easy to say "no" when they need to.

An individual with Poor boundaries may struggle to say no, and they may try to be all things to everybody at the expense of themselves, which will more than likely lead to them burning out. 

 An individual with Rigid boundaries will keep others at a distance by always saying no, to ensure they can isolate themselves from others in case they get hurt.

What are the different types of boundaries?

Emotional - these are your personal limits where you say what is acceptable or not because I accept myself as I am and my needs as they arise. Emotional boundaries keep you safe, feeling healthy, and are a sign of self-respect. They help us identify what is mine and what belongs to the other person. It helps us stop taking responsibility for how others feel and take responsibility for how we feel. No one can make us feel something; we just feel it. 

Physical - This refers to your personal space and privacy, your right to your own body, and the right to change your mind. Your belongings, texts, computer, and passwords, for example, belong to you, and no one has the right to them without your permission, 

Energy - People can fall into the category of extrovert, introvert, and ambivert. For example, extroverted people find crowds and busyness energizing, while introverts find peace and quiet energizing, whereas ambiverts can spend their time in both worlds for limited amounts at a time before having to retreat to refresh their energy. You have the right to protect your energy by avoiding people, places, or things that will continually drain your energy. 

Mental - this applies to your thoughts, values, and opinions. Learning your values will help you learn more about who you are as a person. You have a right to your views, and this extends to your thoughts. Information regarding your previous relationships or traumas is for you to share or not; it is your right to decide based on how safe you feel at that time. No one has an automatic right to these experiences. Knowing when it is safe to share will come with knowing what your boundaries are.

How does counseling help create healthier boundaries?

Healthy Boundaries means getting to know yourself, understanding what you can tolerate, and communicating your needs effectively to those around you. 

In counseling, you will learn how you to:

  • Identify and name your tolerations.
  • Tune into your intuition to help you maintain your boundaries.
  • Learn to permit yourself to say no.
  • Make self-care a priority in your life. 
  • Be assertive
  • Most importantly, you will learn how to start small in order to gain confidence in yourself and your right to be your true self.

 

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.